Boost Your Relationships with the 5 Love Languages
“The simple act of paying attention can take you a long way.” - Keanu Reeves
Do you know what your “love language” is? Gary Chapman’s best-selling book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, explores the idea that individuals express and receive love in different ways. He identifies five primary love languages, each offering a unique insight into how individuals connect emotionally. Recognizing and understanding these languages can significantly enhance communication and strengthen relationships. This was one of the most useful concepts Scott and I learned early in our relationship.
The Five Love Languages
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
Love is expressed through verbal affirmation, compliments, and positive words.
Ways to speak this love language:
Notice and express appreciation for your partner’s strengths.
Learn to say “I love you” in a foreign language.
Send encouraging emails, texts or cards.
Offer unexpected thanks.
QUALITY TIME
Love is experienced through focused and undivided attention.
Ways to speak this love language:
Engage in quality conversations.
Participate in chores or enjoyable activities together.
Share events of the day.
Plan weekend getaways.
RECEIVING GIFTS
Love is felt through the giving and receiving of thoughtful gifts.
Ways to speak this love language:
Pay attention to your partner’s preferences.
Consider giving 12 days of gifts for birthday or anniversary.
Create thoughtful homemade gifts.
Offer keepsakes from shared experiences, such as nature walks.
ACTS OF SERVICE
Love is demonstrated by performing helpful actions or tasks for your partner.
Ways to speak this love language:
Ask for a list of tasks you could do that your partner would appreciate.
Give a card promising acts of service.
Consider hiring help for tasks neither of you enjoy.
Provide uninterrupted time for your partner to do as he/she wishes.
PHYSICAL TOUCH
Love is felt through physical gestures like hugs and kisses, or other forms of touch.
Ways to speak this love language:
Learn your partner’s favorite forms of touch.
Offer back or foot massages.
Hold hands during walks.
Choose gifts with appealing textures.
We each tend to speak our primary love language. Chapman found that couples usually have different love languages, leading to potential communication challenges. It’s crucial to learn your partner’s language to foster understanding. Consider doing a “Tank Check” regularly: ask your partner to rate their emotional love tank on a scale of 0 to 10 and discuss ways to fill it.
How to Discover Your Love Language
If you’re not sure what your love language is, ask yourself these three questions.
What deeply hurts you when your partner does or fails to do it?
Your love language is likely the opposite of what hurts you the most.
What have you most often requested of your partner?
Your most frequent requests likely align with what would make you feel most loved.
In what way do you regularly express love to your partner?
Your method of expressing love could indicate your preferred way of receiving it.
You can also discover your love language by taking a free assessment on the Love Languages website.
Remember, this is not just for romantic relationships. Gary Chapman has other resources for love languages for family, friendships, and workplace too. Discover each other’s primary love language and make a conscious effort to speak it frequently. Speaking your loved one’s language fills their emotional love tank and provides a secure foundation for a fulfilling relationship, encouraging them to reach their highest potential in life.